The Interview, more commonly know as the “first date”. When did the all so nerve-wrecking elusive first date become that of going to dinner and spend time getting to know each other over a meal. Let me first say I write this in regard to MOST dates(at the end I will explain the best one, which happens to be the most recent). I am not an awkward person, conversations come easy to me, I am very open and fun. BUT, I am the most awkward person on first dates… I am most certainly a nervous wreck before this first date, which is another thing that is completely out of character. We all go through it, that moment of doubt; Am I pretty enough; will he be bored; what will he think; should I offer to pay for myself? I find myself wondering this just about every single time, I am telling you the best mantra for any person go through this idea of self doubt: The right man will like me for the right reasons…. I will only have the power to shy away mister wrong… When you start to think this everything changes. I have a hard time in my time of “need”..which is the time when you are over analyzing everything and turn to your friends. They can help… they also can’t, they will give you advice on what they would do. But you, need to do you. I am the one who doesn’t always play by the rules, I don’t play games. If I want to text a guy, I will text him I don’t need to wait for him to engage, again if this scares away the guy…they weren’t the right guy to begin with…
Ok Let me break it down:
1) You start talking—Ok so he hasn’t asked you and you keep hoping… Let me just say…WAIT… And for me; a girl who pretty much likes to be in charge…hardest thing I ever do is waiting for something I want. But this is my exception, because you deserve to be desired and chased. If he asks for a number and doesn’t use it… wonder why… communication is huge… so is action, words & intent. I had this guy who has had my number for a year…still hasn’t used it…even though we have talked & gone out.. I haven’t figured this one out…I’ll get back to you.
2) HE finally asked; First date—chime in the nerves and self doubt, here you have been talking to this guy for awhile(at least enough to pique interest in a date) you shouldn’t have any nerves. It is super easy to write this but TRUST me, we all have this…que the first date prep, which I want to warn you… it is going to be awkward enough so don’t try and be someone you aren’t. Stick to you, if you feel awkward in your own skin it will show.
3) Meeting—You meet at 7, do you try an get there at 6:45 to be early or 7:15 to be late. Do what you do, if you are always known to be late..don’t be early..be timely, but not early. Don’t be too late, it sets a bad tone. I am hugger, I 9/10 times will go in for the hug. If you aren’t like that, don’t do it…THAT is a recipe for a disaster. Also if something goes wonky, just laugh it off… they are probably just as nervous!
4) Eating/Drinking— For me I despise dinner as a first date(maybe its because my first dinner first (blind)date was AWFUL, year after college…oooh I cringe…it actually took me about 5 years to do that again actually), all I really want is to get to know the person, I can do that walking or getting coffee. But if you are having dinner good luck, be normal pretend you are out with friends. If you are having drinks..Don’t be a lush.. keep it to two drinks and babysit those drinks! Phones… keep your phones in your pocket there is nothing more mood ruining that checking your phone… it is like you are waiting for something more interesting or the person you are with is not that important. If you have to check there are few things that can be done, stay in conversation and add it in, maybe your friend texted you about a big whatever you’re involved in; that is a conversation starter. or simply apologize, say you are sorry you have been waiting to hear from so and so and you just were hoping it was them… Be an active listener!
5) Paying; Ok this is where it gets a bit tricky…do you offer to split it, do they expect you to pay, are they going to pay. These are the questions most worry about. If you don’t offer then you are that girl who expects too much, if you do offer then you risk taking away some of their manliness. I was taught all my life… if you want a man who takes care of you, let him. If you want the guy to pay let him, you can still offer if you want to be nice but be prepared to pay(and with that it opens a whole other door of if it really was a date…) There is no shame in a man asking you out and him paying…society is what has changed these things for us, doesn’t mean it is how it should be. Maybe it is me, I have a part of me that believes in strongly in gender roles, but if you follow this blog I can be a little contradictory.
6) When is it over; how long is too long to sit and talk after the waiter has cleared the plates and the check has been paid… if the conversation is great why are you even worrying?! If the conversation is running low trust me the date will naturally end.
7) Saying good bye; be genuine, if you want to do it again..say so.. no one is a mind reader here… hug if you want.. I personally HATE first date kisses it seems sooo obligatory, I am sucker of that random kiss me moment. But if the night is going in that way..kiss away.. but if there is chemistry let the second date happen and let him stress about something for a change.
8) The next step; aside from the thank you, I am home text. This is where I get really bad… I do what I want I don’t follow the rules of the game. This is where I believe if someone is “scared” by it then they aren’t going to be the one who works. But if a guy can find the quirks and can appreciate it…then they are worth the shot.
Ok I promised, I seriously had a not awkward awesome first dinner date that didn’t leave me running to the hills. Of course up until the moment I walked into the door I was nervous wreck and almost was late because of a last minute pep talk(I can’t believe I am admitting this). I walked in and I was ready… and it was awesome… I just let it be and was myself and adored every moment!! Okkk the part that I said I am really bad at this is where I worry I will ruin it and I just have to keep telling myself “what will be, will be”…I have to worry about worrying too much and to find the beauty in being vulnerable…..I am still working on that…
Be vulnerable, be in the moment & enjoy!