Texting & Relationships..Let the confusion begin

   Just give me a reason, just give me a single reason to hold a glimmer of hope. Men you are far too good at saying that right thing to lead a girl on with little to none assistance on keeping it up. The intention might not have been to make a girl rip her hair out with trying to figure out what you are trying to be.  But that is what we do to ourselves based on our ohhh so great ability to read way to far in-between your lines, or lack of lines Relationships-are-harder-now-because-conversations-becomes-texting-argument-becomes-phone-calls-and-feelings-become-statuses-and-tweetsdepends on what type of guy we  are dealing with.   They types you ask, well we have;the awesome talker, the no talker,  drink in them talker, the too much talker,  the talk only about him talker(one sided), the I want some talker, and the forgot to talk talker.

When  I refer to talking I am merely talking about texting  or chatting, really anything that is not face to face.  I whole heartily  think the act of texting and the lack of face to face interactions is single handily  ruining the strength and structure of relationships; friends and romantic. About 82% of young adults say they text their romantic partner multiple timesTextingandDating a day, but all that connectivity, it seems, doesn’t always translate to greater relationship bliss. 34% of people surveyed agree that they’d feel more comfortable on a first date if they had exchanged texts beforehand.  Jonathan Sandberg says part of the reason why texting can interfere with the quality of someone’s relationship has to do with the lack of direct, authentic, real human interaction where people can look each other in the eye and hear each other’s voices. “Technology is more important to relationship formation than it was previously…Reaction to disappointment and reality testing occurs more quickly face to face,” he said, “There is a narrowness with texting and you don’t get to see the breadth of a person that you need to see.” This disconnect, experts say, results in many misunderstandings and communication mix-ups, which can erode the foundation of a relationship and eventually lead to complete relationship failure.

I found myself talking to the awesome talker recently….you know the type, the one who will text you good morning and goodnight, and keep a good amob86203c41c269e4793f8bde28cdf3872unt of contact after work hours. You would think this would be the winner..well in the midst of his awesome texting and being spectacular he met someone else… I should have guessed something was up because the texts were changing…. I wasn’t getting the morning or night texts I was getting the only responding texts…if you used to  a lot of texts and it takes much more time, constantly to hear back from someone you texted then your relationship may be on its way out via an intentional fizzle of contact.  So….thank you darling you have proven to me that texting habits mean nothing in regards to relationship sustainability.

I certainly  have found myself in probably every situation imaginable, a little while back I had the sweet mixture of the drink59804689 in them talker,  the forgot to talk, and only one sided talker…. this one was a tough one for me…only because I have a really hard time with not understanding and this was one of those situations.  They were great sometimes and  then nonexistence, holy roller coaster ride of emotion.  I would love to say it was because he was a nice guy but confused but I honestly don’t have any idea as to why a guy with chemistry  and conversation would completely turn around and act like a complete tool. But this is the mystery of  the talker type…

My favorite is the I want some talker…. you know the type…the total cocky son of a gun who thinks dick pics and sexting is the way to a womans heart…usually this talker is mixed with the drink in them talker.  These are the guys who want to see how far they can get.  If you indulge them once they will forever be that guy to text when they need a little inspiration.  These actions are majorly attributed to the  idea of anonymity  and invisibility.

“It’s well known that people say and do things in cyberspace that they ordinarily wouldn’t in the face-to-face world. They loosen up, feel more uninhibited, express themselves more openly. Researchers call this the disinhibition effect. It’s a double-edged sword. Sometimes people share very personal things about themselves. They reveal secret emotions, fears, wishes, show unusual acts of kindness and generosity, and as a result intimacy develops. Clinicians dare to make important interventions that they would have withheld face-to-face. On the other hand, the disinhibition effect may not be so benign. Out spills rude language, harsh criticisms, anger, hatred, even threats. People act out in all ways imaginable.  Intimacy develops too rapidly resulting in regret, anxiety, and a hasty termination of the relationship. Clinicians say something better left unsaid. On the positive side, disinhibition indicates an attempt to understand and explore oneself, to work through problems and find better ways of relating to others. And sometimes it is simply a blind catharsis, an acting out of unsavory needs and wishes without any personal growth at all.”

If your relationship is comprised of mainly contact by text message and then intimate encounters, then you don’t have a relationship. It’s what they call a non exclusive or casual relationship. Purely physical uncommitted relationships are often conducted by text messages, so its good to be able to recognize if you are in one. If you never talk on the phone or spend time with the person (or go out on dates together) then you are in a text message relationship that is not a real relationship at all.

FullSizeRender(2)Texting has amazing things associated with it.  It is considered a new form of communication and has repercussions as well as new ideas forming everyday.

“The lack of face-to-face cues may create ambiguity. Without hearing a person’s voice or seeing body language and facial expressions, you may not be sure what the person means. This ambiguity activates the imagination, stirs up fantasies, enhances the tendency to project your own expectations, wishes, and anxieties unto the somewhat shadowy figure sitting at the other end of the online connection. When in doubt, we fall back on our old expectations about how people relate to us, expectations that formed in our early relationships with our parents and siblings – what psychoanalytic clinicians would call a transference reaction.  As a text relationship develops over time, these reactions towards the other person may ebb and flow. When you first communicate via text, transference might be minimal since you do not know the other person well and have yet to develop a strong psychological investment in the relationship. Transference reactions more readily surface when emotional attachments begin to form but you still do not have a good “feel” for the person due to that lack of face-to-face cues. Other peak moments occur when emotional topics come up but you are unable to pinpoint exactly where the other person stands on the issue. ” Taken from http://www.truecenterpublishing.com/psycyber/psytextrel.html

My biggest piece of advice, go with your gut…  if  your only being texted under certain pretenses and you don’t feel excited or thrilled then cut them off.  Who needs the distraction, who needs the stress,  I have had to do this and its odd at first when your phone isn’t blowing up but its amazing how less dependent   on your phone. Constantly staying in touch can fill a loneliness void. Texting is cute and fun and all, but a real problem can start to set in when it is all you do.  Always remember a  general rule is that texting should work like a game of ping pong. If you send a text, you should get a text back.FirstDateTextFlowchart

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