Gobble gobble… no no…not turkey talk just yet…

Alright I’m going to talk meal delivery, after I moved into the world of single mom and moved into my own space, dinners became hard to do. For some reason dinner for one is harder to plan than dinner for 2. I turned to meal delivery systems. I figured I could eat one and freeze or pack for lunch the other. I tried 4 different meal delivery companies Gobble, Blue Apron, Terra’s Kitchen, and Hello fresh and my absolute favorite was Gobblewhy you ask? Well for starters they did the hard work and planned yummy meals but they also put all the ingredients in nice little bags, most of the other companies made you look through the whole box to find the ingredients needed for one meal. While I wish they were using something more earth friendly, they did use paper when they could(room for improvements here). Let me break it all down for you:

Ease of setting up orders: They all ranked about the same here, online.

Menu Options: This is what was hard for me, I didn’t love blue Aprons options I found myself skipping weeks or settling for a less choice because I wanted something in that week. I loved hello fresh and Terra’s kitchen for their diet options(paleo, vegetarian, gluten or dairy free) Gobble didn’t have very many dietary restriction friendly meals.

Delivery: maybe it was the summer months maybe it was the rough handlers. But I found that most of the companies Ice bags had popped or were leaking. This was hard because the companies that didn’t have their products bagged would have this gel on them. Some companies were very quick to say everything is fine and Gobble was the only one to do right by the consumer!

Quality of ingredients: when I can I purchase organic, most of these items were organic products which was a bonus. They held up really well for if they weren’t used right away. I didn’t have a single item of waste during my time of using these services.

Recipe explanations: this is where most of them failed me. Most of the companies had one or two recipes left me wondering what I was suppose to do with certain ingredients. Some were more complex than I would like to be doing with a baby on my hip.

Costs: about $10-14 dollars per meal

Taste: Now I didn’t have a recipe I didn’t like but I definitely had recipes I wouldn’t do again. I loved Gobble for the pure fact the recipes were easy to freeze the left overs for another day. Gobbles sauce packets and such were my favorite flavors for sure!

I, of course, encourage you try your own to see what’s going to mesh best with your family but hopefully you’ll start with Gobble first!

Life’s blessing with a twist

Well things changed really quick!!! Remember that catch 22…. well he wasn’t a catch per say but I caught something. OOPS!!!

Welcome to the unconventional world of 2017, we had a baby! Well I had a baby, his baby; our baby! While I focused on growing, birthing and learning to love this amazing little human I came to the realization that there is so much STUFF in this world. I found myself looking through website after blog, after search engine to find the newest and best product I could use for my son. In my head I almost didn’t trust things because of all the people trying to get you to buy THEIR product. I wanted to become one of those people who try, test and report back on the latest and greatest things.

So I have decided to venture into the world of product reviews, I have always dabbled a little in this with my beauty field and how I love to try everything that has to do with beauty, I have just decided to broaden my horizons. Things to look forward to; the real, nitty gritty, uncensored honest review of things I try. NO strings attached concept of if I love it, I will shout it from the roof tops and find a way for everyone to get it, if I don’t love it I’ll tell ya, but I will still give you ways to get it; just in case you want to find out for your self! There you have it!!! Stay tuned(don’t worry I’ll still be throwing in the juicy stuff of single-mom-hood, baby daddy and all the adventures in between)

That Catch-22

A Catch-22— a dilemma or difficult circumstance from which there is no escape because of mutually conflicting or dependent condition.

We have all been stuck in a catch-22, in more ways than one can count.  But can you believe that most people are facing a type of catch-22 in your day to day relationships?  Let me break it down for you; we literally have thousands of people at our finger tips, what does someone do with that kind of power?  You have your celebrities endorsing whatchamacallits, you have politicians spewing what ever thought comes to their minds,  you have your two timers stepping out(physically or emotionally) because they are able to find that “next best thing”, you have  the person who  wants constant contact via; FullSizeRenderfacebook, twitter, snapchat, text…etc etc…  I will admit  I am one of those people that will say well how hard is it to send a text?  you can do it while peeing.  But lately I have really started to notice what technology and the access to such  modes can do to a person and their relationships.

Communication; the more we get the more we want and the less we really communicate. Here  is where that catch-22 comes into play,  most everyone has a smart cell phone these days, which means most everyone is attainable within reason at any given time, correct? That becomes the expectation and the desired interactions.  When such desires fall short you begin to wonder and mind race, thus taking away from the actual communication you get to have when you get it because you spent all that energy wondering and analyzing.  If we dial back to say 2000, where only 36% of people had cell phones and 16% of those were business reasons, in comparison to our current trend in 2016 of 91% of people having cell phones.  What were our expectations of attainable communication in 2000;  we would call a land line and leave a voicemail and wait for them to get home and call us back. We would send a message on AIM, and wait to hear that door open to check if it was them, but at no time was it expected to reach someone at any given time, heck even back then we usually didn’t get calls after 6pm.

Our communication style as a whole has changed, we no longer listen to understand, we listen to reply.  We have played into the instant gratification  of the ability to talk to anyone(or multiple ones) at any time of any day. How does this affect our relationships?  Why talk on the phone when you can send text messages, I am sorry but for me I would prefer  a nice phone call at the  end of a day to see how the day was over typical misinterpreted text FullSizeRender (1)messages.  Some even find it annoying when they get called and the conversation could have been a text, I am this person sometimes but I have to think, ok back in the day we would  just call people to say hi.  Now getting a phone call from someone you have been only texting seems weird, almost “pocket dial”  I have to admit to the few times of saying, “did you mean to call me or was that a pocket dial” because that was so out of the ordinary!

I recently found myself having a couple conversation that really stuck with me, one was me describing how crazy I get when I don’t get a text back.  I hated having this conversation because in my head I am like seriously lighten up you have a busy life and you don’t need to stress about one silly lack of reply.  BUT It  is true, I get to be that obsessive, crazy girl; no one…NO one  wants to be that girl ever, so why do we let ourselves get all wound up?  Because we have an expectation that people will reply immediately if they are interested, if they aren’t interested or waiting for something better FullSizeRender (3)to entertain them, they will sit on your text message until they exhaust other options.  This is where a relationship of compromise has to come in, when you have two polar opposites; ie a texter and never texter you have to find a common ground.  The best middle ground is that you text and you get a reply within  12 hours, that is not hard….  there has to be a single moment in a 12 hour span that you could simply send one little text.  I would LOVE for someone to explain this to me  if they find this hard or something that is unattainable.  A text is no longer just a mode of communication it is a implication of feelings, if you send someone a text it means you are thinking about them and you want them to know. So….Lack of text means lack of feelings…so they say….

The second conversation I had was with someone about how they had been thinking about something all day and when I saw them is when they asked me…. my first thought was why didn’t they text me?  But honestly after having the interaction I absolutely appreciated the fact they didn’t because those would have been missed memories.  So this is my own personal catch-22 how do you not miss memories but still get that communication gratification while apart…because if you text everything then you miss out on the face to face conversation, but if you don’t text you feel neglected or rejected.

I hoFullSizeRender (2)nestly can say I am addicted to my phone, so while I have extreme anxiety about someone not replying  when I want them to, I truly value their detachment from it.

Confusing loved & needed with used & wanted…

It is totally unhealthy, but yet we sometimes need it. That constant feel of being needed, talked to, leaned on, dedicated to and loved.  We desire to have the one person who isn’t obligated  to listen to us but chooses to. A lot of people allow themselves to feed this need of being chosen  in outlets that are less than who they are in their core.

I was  talking to a friend about one of her recent encounters, she has a guy that is her “go to”  she hears from him 8ba524d72da4061bcb0fa800517515d7every so often to come and “watch” movies.  She will end up spending the night and not hearing much from him until the next week or so.  She was content with this for a few times because it was the feeling of being needed/wanted.  She started questioning what she wanted and what the point of these hangs out were when she ultimately was looking for a relationship and this was the wrong place. She asked him if she was more than a booty call, or if he had these cuddle sessions with anyone else.  He of course said she was it, but she didn’t believe but yet she still finds herself going to watch movies and hang out with him.  She asked me if she was crazy because she still lets herself be vulnerable to someone she knows isn’t going anywhere.   But she just can’t help but think what if…

This question I couldn’t get it out of my head, I am sure many, many women and men too have let themselves keep going to something that is safe because it hits the spot of feeling wanted and needed4b897b633f6180adec39876be2cf5f86I know personally if I was talking to someone or seeing someone and things change I obsess over why; you know the obsession,  whats wrong with me, am I not good enough, etc.  When really I know it could be as easy as they were busy, grumpy, or at a loss of conversation.

How do you stop the cycle? The cycle of quote3searching for being needed and when you have a glimmer of  it clinging to it and obsessing if it stops.  Those of us looking for that person to complete us, this struggle is really in you.  It mostly comes to being afraid of being alone, that fear of not finding someone is what makes us cling to the ones who give us the glimmer of hope of being needed.

My friends ask  why I am not out there actively dating, I try to explain to them I have tried that, and all I got was a bunch of conversations that fed my need for being wanted. None of them ended up being of substance or what I was looking for, but yet, I was content talking to them.   I was using them as a crutch and got way too comfortable with it.  Obsessive almost….  I would be talking to someone and it would go days even weeks, and then stop.  To me, because of the addiction of talking to someone,  that stopping was like a break up with out ever really knowing someone. You get use to having certain people talking to you even if they actually don’t mean anything. It was someone, it was someone who wanted to talk to you and then something changed.  Me, I question the why and that is where I become obsessive. I replay conversations, encounters whatever it may be, even looking for signals I missed. I just couldn’t figure it out(Look here for a blog about texting) Also, I have this gut feeling that I have already met the person that’s my person and they always say you find it when you’re not looking….but that’s another story and another post.

For those who are looking for something real, you’re not going to be able to find it if you are spending your time with the wrong ones.  I am sure like I have said, its safe…its fun…but it’s not what you want. So why….why limit yourself from finding your “person”  because you are busy being occupied with someone who is only there for a moment.  Most of those encounters are the ones that will sooner or later be a memory that makes you smile(either because you were able to get out of the rut, or you really enjoyed your time).  To have something you have to be open to it.

The cycle, I think I diverted from the question, because I am honestly still learning this myself. I related a lot to my friend because there are definitely moments where I find myself in this cycle, but recently  I have tried to divert from them by focusing on other things that still feed that “need to be needed”.  I volunteer, I spend more time with my friends and working on myself. I think that is the best way to break the cycle or at least make yourself so busy and occupied you don’t have time to let yourself need to be needed in the wrong ways.

Just remember that you always have it in you, you have self-respect, you’re needed, you’re enough and that you find the things you are looking for when you stop looking and don’t use things as your place holder…..there-comes-a-point-when-you-have-to-realize-that-youll-never-be-good-enough-for-some-people-the-question-is-is-that-your-problem-or-theirs-quote-1

 

When too good to be true…is just that..not true

The moment you think you have met the one, the one who has everything you want in a person. We all have been there in one way or another… We start imagining the future, and they started the ideas in your head. You have let the steps roll through, they meet your family because they asked (this seems like a good thing)… This can always be scary but your new significant other sails through with flying colors; a family like mine…they don’t leave very many survivors… You let your guard down a little bit because he made it through the firing squad that is your family.

He is proving to be everything you want; he even starts all the future things you are looking for… He tells you he loves you, he told his mom about you, and he wants to ask your dad if he can marry you… Oh no… I didn’t fast forward this time line this is a 3 month span…. You don’t think anything more than wow, I found a guy who knows what he wants and how to get it.

But then….. Things don’t start to add up… You find that you’re questioning a lot more… Like multiple hospital visits where they go Mia for a whole day and night. I don’t know about you… But if I’m in the hospital I would want my significant other with me…. Hello first red flag…there were plenty more***

Habits from the beginning start changing, when he use to answer your phone calls no matter what, now you don’t hear from him for hours, or he texts back instead of calling. Those dates every other night become that of only a weekly thing, if at all. Those nightly phone calls become you calling to a “dead” phone. He stopped answering the phone with a friendly Hi babe, to a Hey?… When you start to question things, it becomes a long argument or a why are you questioning my actions, don’t you trust me? Things start going off in your head… the way that every girl starts to over think things…

This was me….. I started having my family in one ear question him and feeling like I need to defend him because he is a part of me at this point and if he looks bad, I look bad. But all the negativity was starting to get to me and luckily for me in some regard, he and I had amazing communication, we could talk about anything!! I exploded and started to talk to him about all my doubts and all the grief I was getting from my family…. I told him my fears of being made into a fool for standing up for him and I… he promised, he swore to God (which a little background, I never questioned when he said swore to god because from day one, he explained he was a God fearing Muslim, he was a praying Muslim and followed the Qur’an, Mosque every Friday and a lot more…this made me respect him and that was that). Anyways he swore to God he would not make me into a fool and he would prove all my family doubts wrong. I believed him. I believed he loved me, I believed he had the best intentions when he came to Evernote Camera Roll 20150616 231301my house a month after meeting me to ask my dad if he could marry me, I believed in the words he was painting for a future he wanted with me. His sweet words are truly what clouded my intuition, for every concern I had, he had a solution or a question… and I am strong individual and I fell for every honey soaked word he gave me. I hate to say that he played on that, but I think he at least counted on it, and used it.

I felt the relationship change, I knew something was different. I even asked, he said it was stress from work and it will be over soon. I believed him, if I didn’t what was the point of being with him. A lot of things were happening in this time that just wasn’t feeling right, but again with our open communication I would ask, he would have an excuse or reason. One morning he called me, early… to tell me that I would be getting a facebook message maybe from a girl(a girl we will name Girl A, I knew all about the this girl from what he had told me in prior conversations….she worked inEvernote Camera Roll 20150616 211346(3) the industry, they were business partners..She was a lesbian and was getting married in a few weeks…he showed me a photo and my gut told me I didn’t like her… I told him, he laughed and said I have nothing to worry about). He told me that he and she got into a fight over business and she was trying to ruin his relationship with me as pay back. We talked a lot about it… she did message me…I looked at her facebook… I saw photos of them that were not acceptable for a man in a committed relationship…. He tried to play it off as they were past photos…jokes on him…a watch I gave him a week ago was in the photo… he of course had an excuse. He again swore to god he wasn’t cheating, he swore over his mothers head she was nothing and to not let his past ruin our future… his past mind you was a week prior and whilst we are still dating…dating is such a small word…we were house shopping. He made me promise not to contact her and let this go… I did…he swore to god…I believed him.

I went on vacation things were fine the first couple of days I was gone…we would talk at night for a few minutes but then…two days went by I heard not even a peep from him…. I come to find out he has blocked from calling his phone… I wasn’t surprised…. So since I hadn’t heard from him I went into my others folder on facebook messages to find…. ANOTHER girl’s message!!!! We will call her Girl B….. Her message states that she Evernote Camera Roll 20150616 211346and my boyfriend have been talking since December…before your head goes spinning off let me give you a time line…Girl B—December….Me—March…Girl A-May….. Yuppppp and from what I have gathered… there was one more… for those of you following at home… I was one of 4….

So back to me trying to get a hold of my boyfriend…I message Girl A…I told her everything including a screen shot of the message from Girl B…

Let me just tell you….Girl A…not a nice girl for being the “other woman” in my relationship but I couldn’t blame her… the man was already brain washing her too…. Girl B..Super sweet poor thing was being lead astray by him for longer than me… I was able to talk to Girl B for quite awhile…this is where I learned that everything my boyfriend said was put on repeat for her and vice a versa. When I say everything… I MEAN EVERYTHING! from the plans of the future to dreams to plans to loving…. Girl A… we told her both of us messaged her… I told her he asked for my hand we were house shopping etc… her… she is only worried about a time line of events not the fact to get things straight…she says he is living there now…they are to be married and they are house shopping..He bought her a car… I was impressed…he took a month to make it work for me to fall… he did it to her in 3 weeks… this poor woman has a kid too… she tells me she is going to talk to him…. I go… go ahead girl … I don’t want him back you can have him and his lies. She ends up blocking me…after telling me that my boyfriend told her that I am a stalker and crazy… So of course I screen shot texts from him to me…crazy stalker my butt…good riddance girl I hope you learn. And I hope you learn in the timely manner I learned before things could get to bad.Evernote Camera Roll 20150617 221857

UPDATED–June 17th—

Another girl came out of the wood work with this message, the plot totally thickened in the fact that this poor girl was added to his rampage in about February. He swindled money  out of her by telling her he had cancer and needed medicine and couldn’t pay for it.  This just further proves the motivation on this guy.  It is really sad and sickening… this Girl C, says there was another girl in California…

This man was a pathological liar, a con artist, and a fraud…. Nothing he said was true from the first day because it was something that he was also saying to someone else. I still don’t understand what his goal was…  I wish there was a way to expose him for what he is for the pure fact that I don’t want others to go through what I did… I was more mad at the fact that he let my family into this act he was trying to call him loving me.

It’s funny he tried to call me the night I learned everything… I declined i knew the girl he was with was with him…I didn’t care to even talk. I talked to him finally… but it was different it was on my terms… he said he was sorry… I told him his sorry meant nothing to me… he said he didn’t want to hurt me… I told him he was the biggest coward I have ever met…. he even at this point was keeping with his lies, which for him probably felt like truths.. I told him I will find someone that deserves me and you, I hope that you get everything you deserve..  I will never forgive you for being this dishonest…. he blamed the meeting and moving in and the relationship on the fact that we started fighting…  BULL…. we started fighting because he was hiding things from me  and I could tell.

My friends and family were worried about me…I shed more tears in the relationship than any moment after realizing he was a fraud…I honestly can say I am not heartbroken, do I feel fooled…you bet… do I even question my judgement a little… yea.. I do… but it’s hard to be heartbroken over something that was a sham… it’s like being sad over the wind blowing…you can’t actually see it…you just feel it and then one day its gone just some fallen leaves in its tail.

I feel relief I was getting mad at myself for questioning his actions but it truly proves to me to NEVER ever question your intuition… at the same time…Hindsight-300x300 sometimes you don’t it was your intuition until you learned the flaw. I saw something on facebook posted by The Single Woman that caught my eye and its so true… It helps me fight off all those “I  told you so’s” because NO ONE could have seen this coming….  NO ONE…

It reminds me that you should never question yourself but you should not fault yourself for  letting yourself be open to loving.  Thank you again The Single Woman for this:

You didn‘t know. 
You trusted, and you loved, and you assumed the best of someone…and that is never wrong. 
You took a shot on love or on friendship…and that is always brave.
You believed that the other person would treat you with the same dignity and respect with which you treated them…and that is noble.
You didn’t know. You didn’t know they weren’t capable of loving you back. You didn’t know they weren’t trustworthy. You didn’t know they didn’t have the capacity or the character to handle your heart with the same care with which you handled theirs.
You didn’t know. You didn’t have all the information that you have now. If you did, you might have chosen differently…and the truth is, sometimes in life and in love it takes standing too close to the fire to learn how not to get burned.
So forgive yourself for not making different choices. Because good choices make you happy but bad choices make you better and stronger. Keep being the brave, trusting person that you are…because someday the right person will love you for it instead of exploit you for it. 
You didn’t know. Forgive yourself for not knowing. 
Forgive them for what they did. 
And let it go…armed with the beautiful knowledge that comes from going out on a limb, regardless of whether you fall or fly. 
Next time will be better.

 

***DISCLAIMER:

I didn’t write this out of angst or pay back…  I wrote this to help someone because if  what I went through helps someone… it was all worth it…I know I am so vulnerable in this being out there, but it is worth it.