When too good to be true…is just that..not true

The moment you think you have met the one, the one who has everything you want in a person. We all have been there in one way or another… We start imagining the future, and they started the ideas in your head. You have let the steps roll through, they meet your family because they asked (this seems like a good thing)… This can always be scary but your new significant other sails through with flying colors; a family like mine…they don’t leave very many survivors… You let your guard down a little bit because he made it through the firing squad that is your family.

He is proving to be everything you want; he even starts all the future things you are looking for… He tells you he loves you, he told his mom about you, and he wants to ask your dad if he can marry you… Oh no… I didn’t fast forward this time line this is a 3 month span…. You don’t think anything more than wow, I found a guy who knows what he wants and how to get it.

But then….. Things don’t start to add up… You find that you’re questioning a lot more… Like multiple hospital visits where they go Mia for a whole day and night. I don’t know about you… But if I’m in the hospital I would want my significant other with me…. Hello first red flag…there were plenty more***

Habits from the beginning start changing, when he use to answer your phone calls no matter what, now you don’t hear from him for hours, or he texts back instead of calling. Those dates every other night become that of only a weekly thing, if at all. Those nightly phone calls become you calling to a “dead” phone. He stopped answering the phone with a friendly Hi babe, to a Hey?… When you start to question things, it becomes a long argument or a why are you questioning my actions, don’t you trust me? Things start going off in your head… the way that every girl starts to over think things…

This was me….. I started having my family in one ear question him and feeling like I need to defend him because he is a part of me at this point and if he looks bad, I look bad. But all the negativity was starting to get to me and luckily for me in some regard, he and I had amazing communication, we could talk about anything!! I exploded and started to talk to him about all my doubts and all the grief I was getting from my family…. I told him my fears of being made into a fool for standing up for him and I… he promised, he swore to God (which a little background, I never questioned when he said swore to god because from day one, he explained he was a God fearing Muslim, he was a praying Muslim and followed the Qur’an, Mosque every Friday and a lot more…this made me respect him and that was that). Anyways he swore to God he would not make me into a fool and he would prove all my family doubts wrong. I believed him. I believed he loved me, I believed he had the best intentions when he came to Evernote Camera Roll 20150616 231301my house a month after meeting me to ask my dad if he could marry me, I believed in the words he was painting for a future he wanted with me. His sweet words are truly what clouded my intuition, for every concern I had, he had a solution or a question… and I am strong individual and I fell for every honey soaked word he gave me. I hate to say that he played on that, but I think he at least counted on it, and used it.

I felt the relationship change, I knew something was different. I even asked, he said it was stress from work and it will be over soon. I believed him, if I didn’t what was the point of being with him. A lot of things were happening in this time that just wasn’t feeling right, but again with our open communication I would ask, he would have an excuse or reason. One morning he called me, early… to tell me that I would be getting a facebook message maybe from a girl(a girl we will name Girl A, I knew all about the this girl from what he had told me in prior conversations….she worked inEvernote Camera Roll 20150616 211346(3) the industry, they were business partners..She was a lesbian and was getting married in a few weeks…he showed me a photo and my gut told me I didn’t like her… I told him, he laughed and said I have nothing to worry about). He told me that he and she got into a fight over business and she was trying to ruin his relationship with me as pay back. We talked a lot about it… she did message me…I looked at her facebook… I saw photos of them that were not acceptable for a man in a committed relationship…. He tried to play it off as they were past photos…jokes on him…a watch I gave him a week ago was in the photo… he of course had an excuse. He again swore to god he wasn’t cheating, he swore over his mothers head she was nothing and to not let his past ruin our future… his past mind you was a week prior and whilst we are still dating…dating is such a small word…we were house shopping. He made me promise not to contact her and let this go… I did…he swore to god…I believed him.

I went on vacation things were fine the first couple of days I was gone…we would talk at night for a few minutes but then…two days went by I heard not even a peep from him…. I come to find out he has blocked from calling his phone… I wasn’t surprised…. So since I hadn’t heard from him I went into my others folder on facebook messages to find…. ANOTHER girl’s message!!!! We will call her Girl B….. Her message states that she Evernote Camera Roll 20150616 211346and my boyfriend have been talking since December…before your head goes spinning off let me give you a time line…Girl B—December….Me—March…Girl A-May….. Yuppppp and from what I have gathered… there was one more… for those of you following at home… I was one of 4….

So back to me trying to get a hold of my boyfriend…I message Girl A…I told her everything including a screen shot of the message from Girl B…

Let me just tell you….Girl A…not a nice girl for being the “other woman” in my relationship but I couldn’t blame her… the man was already brain washing her too…. Girl B..Super sweet poor thing was being lead astray by him for longer than me… I was able to talk to Girl B for quite awhile…this is where I learned that everything my boyfriend said was put on repeat for her and vice a versa. When I say everything… I MEAN EVERYTHING! from the plans of the future to dreams to plans to loving…. Girl A… we told her both of us messaged her… I told her he asked for my hand we were house shopping etc… her… she is only worried about a time line of events not the fact to get things straight…she says he is living there now…they are to be married and they are house shopping..He bought her a car… I was impressed…he took a month to make it work for me to fall… he did it to her in 3 weeks… this poor woman has a kid too… she tells me she is going to talk to him…. I go… go ahead girl … I don’t want him back you can have him and his lies. She ends up blocking me…after telling me that my boyfriend told her that I am a stalker and crazy… So of course I screen shot texts from him to me…crazy stalker my butt…good riddance girl I hope you learn. And I hope you learn in the timely manner I learned before things could get to bad.Evernote Camera Roll 20150617 221857

UPDATED–June 17th—

Another girl came out of the wood work with this message, the plot totally thickened in the fact that this poor girl was added to his rampage in about February. He swindled money  out of her by telling her he had cancer and needed medicine and couldn’t pay for it.  This just further proves the motivation on this guy.  It is really sad and sickening… this Girl C, says there was another girl in California…

This man was a pathological liar, a con artist, and a fraud…. Nothing he said was true from the first day because it was something that he was also saying to someone else. I still don’t understand what his goal was…  I wish there was a way to expose him for what he is for the pure fact that I don’t want others to go through what I did… I was more mad at the fact that he let my family into this act he was trying to call him loving me.

It’s funny he tried to call me the night I learned everything… I declined i knew the girl he was with was with him…I didn’t care to even talk. I talked to him finally… but it was different it was on my terms… he said he was sorry… I told him his sorry meant nothing to me… he said he didn’t want to hurt me… I told him he was the biggest coward I have ever met…. he even at this point was keeping with his lies, which for him probably felt like truths.. I told him I will find someone that deserves me and you, I hope that you get everything you deserve..  I will never forgive you for being this dishonest…. he blamed the meeting and moving in and the relationship on the fact that we started fighting…  BULL…. we started fighting because he was hiding things from me  and I could tell.

My friends and family were worried about me…I shed more tears in the relationship than any moment after realizing he was a fraud…I honestly can say I am not heartbroken, do I feel fooled…you bet… do I even question my judgement a little… yea.. I do… but it’s hard to be heartbroken over something that was a sham… it’s like being sad over the wind blowing…you can’t actually see it…you just feel it and then one day its gone just some fallen leaves in its tail.

I feel relief I was getting mad at myself for questioning his actions but it truly proves to me to NEVER ever question your intuition… at the same time…Hindsight-300x300 sometimes you don’t it was your intuition until you learned the flaw. I saw something on facebook posted by The Single Woman that caught my eye and its so true… It helps me fight off all those “I  told you so’s” because NO ONE could have seen this coming….  NO ONE…

It reminds me that you should never question yourself but you should not fault yourself for  letting yourself be open to loving.  Thank you again The Single Woman for this:

You didn‘t know. 
You trusted, and you loved, and you assumed the best of someone…and that is never wrong. 
You took a shot on love or on friendship…and that is always brave.
You believed that the other person would treat you with the same dignity and respect with which you treated them…and that is noble.
You didn’t know. You didn’t know they weren’t capable of loving you back. You didn’t know they weren’t trustworthy. You didn’t know they didn’t have the capacity or the character to handle your heart with the same care with which you handled theirs.
You didn’t know. You didn’t have all the information that you have now. If you did, you might have chosen differently…and the truth is, sometimes in life and in love it takes standing too close to the fire to learn how not to get burned.
So forgive yourself for not making different choices. Because good choices make you happy but bad choices make you better and stronger. Keep being the brave, trusting person that you are…because someday the right person will love you for it instead of exploit you for it. 
You didn’t know. Forgive yourself for not knowing. 
Forgive them for what they did. 
And let it go…armed with the beautiful knowledge that comes from going out on a limb, regardless of whether you fall or fly. 
Next time will be better.



I didn’t write this out of angst or pay back…  I wrote this to help someone because if  what I went through helps someone… it was all worth it…I know I am so vulnerable in this being out there, but it is worth it.

Heartbreak, break-ups, and moving on….

Holy Crap….let’s talk whirl wind life, heartbreak and loving yourself!
Be Prepared, I am trying not to shorten this story for the sake of readership, I  am using this as a level of therapeutic expression, or maybe in hopes of saving someone from the roller coaster that was my most recent relationship, but let’s be honest, you can’t save some one, you can just show them they are not alone.  It is one, among MANY things I have learned from this….
Let us start from the beginning…
Boy meets girl, girl doesn’t give him the time of day. They strike up a friendship for about 2 years because they both were attached at the time and when the stars finally (kind of) aligned in their favor…   they begin what seems like a true romance. The courting was great, dates almost every day; the man was really laying it on thick.  The girl (that’s meeee) was eating it up, and falling 
 head over heels. To the outside world there was an amazing romance happening, even to my blind eyes I was thinking this was the making of an amazing partnership. (It has taken me a long time to write this blog purely for the facts I have locked up so many of the negative memories, that I couldn’t even access them I). 
There were times that man made me feel so special and so loved that I literally could see hearts in the sky, but as our relationship aged and matured, those moments were far and few between.  I think when averaged out, I spent more time worried, upset and heartbroken then the feeling of warmth and love.  Some people might wonder why I would stay if I continued to be so un happy! I honestly don’t know what to say, maybe I saw that there was a good man in there screaming to get out, maybe it was because I loved the idea of him, maybe I saw a fixer-upper and I knew it would be an adventure. 
 Over time in our relationship we had our fights; we had our moments of wanting to end things.  There are a couple nights that stood out in my mind because they showed me his true colors and the strength I had to be the person I am. One night my sister and I went out to the city to meet him and his friends, he was already pretty deep in drinks but he was so lovey I couldn’t be upset.  A couple hours into the night he kept leaving me, there was even a point I was dancing and other guys were around me, he didn’t even show a moment of jealousy. When he was drunk beyond belief I was ready to go, we shortly realized his friends had left him in my hands.  Weird right, well later in my relationship I realized why! Well anyways we were finally leaving, and in the elevator there was a family of Indian decent and my boyfriend thought they were looking at him funny, so he tried to provoke a fight with them.  I was MORTIFIED! We got to the car and almost instantly he passed out cold, it took everything in my power to not take corners quickly. Of course my sister was in the car so I had to put on the tough girl act and make it seem like this was nothing! But this was the first time in our relationship I had seen/dealt with him this bad! The next day we had a long talk, and the outcome was don’t worry it won’t happen again and that he was sorry. I stupidly believed him!
I mean the day to day was fine and dandy, but reflecting back on those days, I could never count on him, I felt like I was the glue that flapping flag to the pole.
Another event that stood out to me, was we were out to dinner and I was looking at something on his phone and my gut told me to look at his texts messages, and sure enough I found that he went to some girls house at 4am, and spent the night….. Alright… folks what would you do? I walked out, not in a scene; I went to my car, let out a huge sobbing cry, collected myself and walked back into the restaurant. (The restaurant was where he worked and the girl was a co-worker (who he had said had a crush on him).  I walked back in, and I asked him to explain, he of course had something to say, like he went over there because there were a lot of people there and it was a party.  Well, this event is what sent us to therapy every week for 6 months.  Back story on the therapy we fought a lot about the same things, girls he talked to, his actions I didn’t understand, you know the “normal’ relationship wrinkles we were just ironing them out. HA! Ok anyways, therapy was his idea, he was like “I love you, you are it for me, let’s go to therapy maybe it can help” See folks.., those things were what kept me attached. So we went to therapy and things were GREAT our relationship was being tested in good ways and we could see the growth within, and were happy! Well, that all changed when we moved in together….OH a little thing that maybe you picked up on, or maybe not…he has a bit of an addiction problem…
I would think of him out, but when he was out he would almost punished me if I texted him, when I say that it means if I texted he would then purposely not text me back…
I use to worry about events we did on his days off and if there was booze, for both sides of the spectrum… If there was booze would he get too drunk and embarrass me, or if there wasn’t booze would he throw a fit about going, for example: my sorority sister had a wedding and it was dry, I held that fact out until we were a couple hours into our drive… When I told him he was so upset with me… That wedding was gorgeous but I couldn’t enjoy it or relax because I knew how upset\bored he was… 
The hardest thing about everything was I would do anything for him, I sucked it up and acted like a trooper for a ton of things he wanted to do and I didn’t… But for the few events I wanted my boyfriend to come too he couldn’t put a trooper face and support me…
When we moved in together I really got to see him… I think he came home almost every single night drunk, he was ok with leaving me home and not check in…. and come home after the bars closed drunk….I think I cried myself to sleep almost every night that happened….. Some nights I would be worried about him and I would call, with no answer for hours!  Then he would come home like nothing was wrong.  There was one night he got off work and asked if I wanted to go out to a bar with him, I had told him I didn’t feel well and it would be nice to have him come home.  He didn’t come home till after 2:30… And when he did come home he was loud, turned on the lights and was loud and crazy, completely disrespecting the fact I was sick, it is like he didn’t care.
 I mean I have to say, there were nights he came home all lovingly drunk and sweet and cute…but those weren’t as many as the crazy nights.  There was one night in the last two weeks, we shall call them hell weeks… he came home drunk and I had asked how his night was, and if he had fun… He lost it!  He got soo mad that I was asking him and checking up on him. I am sorry, I thought normal people asked people how the days were when they were in a relationship. He was so angry he threw this book at me, it landed behind my head and he then preceded throw some shoes too.  That night was the first night I left at 2:00am and stayed the night at my parents..  This set the huge ball of mud rolling down the hill.  He saw me leaving as a decision, not an action.  The next morning he couldn’t even muster the strength to talk.  Must be nice being a drunk, he gets to forget all of the things I can never, ever forget!   
 So the hell week, was a series of rinse and repeat, I would go to work, he was sleeping off his hangover, I would come home he was at work, I would be home, he would be at the bar, I would be sleeping he would come home drunk.  No time for us, no sober time.   I was feeling so lost, I was feeling like I was losing control of myself.  When I feel that happening I would always pray to my grandma for guidance, this time her guidance came in the form of a rescue puppy.  I have never been the impulsive type but the Monday before doomsday(the day I left)  I felt this urge to check for a puppy, I came across a listing for a rescue puppy, I went for it..  I went that moment and got it…I brought it home. He wanted it, I wanted it… the stupid ruinmate( I used the right word, he was a poison that got into our relationships cracks)  said no, mind you this ruinmate has a dog, A BIG ONE.  The fact that my boyfriend couldn’t stand up to this guy about a  little puppy was the icing on the cake… I can honestly say I left because of the dog, and I am so thankful for that dog because I don’t think I would have left when I did with out it.  I would have toughed it out because I feel like I was able to handle it, or deal with it.  But let me just say… I shouldn’t have to deal with it or handle it….no one should.  The pain, the worrying, the suffering… I feel like a whole weight has been lifted from me. It is a liberating thing to not worry about a boyfriend making a fool of himself or you, getting drunk and in trouble, or even doing something worse….
I was on the plane to San Diego which was my much deserved vacation. I was sitting next to a woman and we got to talking, she said something to me that helped bring a lot into light… She said that an addict stops aging at the age they started their choice addiction.  This makes SO much sense! He was 31 but wasn’t doing the “normal” things a 31 would do, getting secure, growing up, and settling down.  I am so glad to realize that there was nothing I could do  to help him even though the whole time I was with him I thought I could help him… This blog is not nearly as detailed as I would like, but I felt very vulnerable with giving the very intimate details, because my ex is an awesome guy for the right person and I learned  a lot from him and our relationship.  I find that I will be a better person from it and don’t think he deserves to have all of his laundry aired. Everyone deserves to love and be loved in life… I loved him.. But I had to love myself more…….
In the images below the closing,  you will see the trend and my thought process.  I would write in the little cell journal  every night that I couldn’t go to sleep because of the anger or hurt or whatever I was feeling, so instead of letting it bother me and my sleep, I would write it and forget it……
So what now??!?!?!  Stay tuned to my next post, but let’s be honest…  I am an adult and I just want to have fun!!! I already have a post brewing about being a woman and going for what you want and how it can have a serious double standard and can be discouraging! 
I still miss him… Idk why I miss him sometimes… I was a single girl with a boyfriend since the party nights were the bar tending nights 
What did he contribute?


Photo Credit to @mandyhale The single woman :

If you www.TheSingleWoman.net.don’t feel like reading all of this let me just give you the re-cap… He said a lot of words with no actions, I could never count on him… we had no trust and many issues……

October 2012 The fact he lied about when he last had sex, right after having sex with me….. The fact he hooked up with someone while pursing me….Why he would offer to meet up and talk about it, would he have told me? Opened the portal for me not to trust him. You say I’m all you want, yet when you were on your way to having me you slept with her?! I need to understand how that happened… I thought it was something of your past, is that way you don’t consider me your rebound? The fact he should know how if we plan something and he has been asked to work he should know what my answer would be because he cares and knows how it makes me feel. He knows how I feel on things and still does them.
December 2012– I should be your everything, you came to me to talk about things because I understood, and nothing has changed expect now you don’t talk to me… You talk to ones you have slept with… It is not fair to me… Emotionally to know my boyfriend who loves me is confiding in women you have had sex with. To me sex is a big deal… Doesn’t seem like it is to you. Therefore you won’t fully understand where I am coming from. The story keeps changing and the timeline keeps changing lie by submission is still a lie…. What more is there to the story, another one nighters I haven’t learned about? I shouldn’t have to be dealing with this… You know what this does to me, fix it or change it or I won’t be around to stand for it, because it is emotionally stressful and I shouldn’t have that in a loving committed relationship. The sad or good thing about it all, if you say you are done talking to them or whatever I’ll still wonder but trusting you, because you have seamlessly lied before about them, once that trust gets lost we won’t have anything so don’t make another promise you don’t intend on keeping because this little issue boils down to trust… Without trust we have nothing!!!!  If they are benefited to your life fine, but that’s your decision on what is more important….because it could be a breaking point for us if this doesn’t change or get resolved. 
Also if you say you can and you don’t, or you hide it or lie… I am gone no matter how much you mean to me because that would just show you don’t respect me and don’t care how I feel….
Have you realized this issue is always our biggest fight, yet nothing gets changed? 
Don’t make it seem like you are so much more trusting, I have not given you any reason to doubt me, you have. 
Yes past things are being brought up because they are affecting our future, I don’t want to keep fighting over this same crap, you know how I feel about this all, what you do with is your decision. 
It’s easy to say you love me and that you would do anything for me… But to actually act on that and physically show me that is different. 
Jan 2013I want a man who wants to hear about my day, who answers my call who wants to tell me where they are and who they are with not because I ask but because they want too. I wish you would check your phone the way you do when you are with me(when you aren’t around me) it frustrates me because when we are together it vibrates you jump to it but they way you are when you aren’t with me it’s like you don’t have a phone. I feel like you try and forget me when you aren’t with me. Or that you don’t think about me when we aren’t together and that bothers me. 
I need reassurance at least for awhile I don’t get that, I don’t get I loves you too or have a good nights from you…when you are out…
Strike 3…. If you can’t fix this behavior we can’t make this work 
You selfish… I sit and want to make you happy and act on it. You tell me you would do anything to make me happy. Yet you actually don’t act on it. I know you love me, act like you care about me or be in love with me.

Trust doesn’t appear it’s earned and frankly you give me no reason to trust you, Lady1 vs. Taxi, Hannah Montana at claim jumper the night you met me outside instead (when asked you were hanging with Bro 1, again a lie is a lie even if it’s a choice omission) and those are just a few.. what about every other thing I may not know..
March 2013You will lose me… The night you decided to go to her house ruined everything we have built in regards to trust and commitment… Check phone… If he called her… Why would he be compelled… If she called and he says yes… It sends the wrong message about his relationship status and commitment… To a girl it says there is a chance… I know your intentions may be to just be friends… But you have to watch your boundaries… You don’t want to cont to lead her on or get yourself in a situation you can’t get out of or you’ll regret…
April 2013- I can’t count on him, I know he has great intentions but no follow through… I’m developing a habit of hearing his words but knowingly expecting him to not do it…our relationship lacks the passion and desire in actions to be with each other.
June 2013Overall frustrated… I felt funny mad hurt sad that he chose to stay with his friend that he drug me out to “meet” sometimes I feel like he just wanted a ride… I felt used, left, unimportant…  And it’s not about his friends it’s about his drinking choosing to stay and drink rather than go with me…. That he said he wasn’t going to take shots anymore and the next day he was taking shots…. I hate that I can’t count on him….
October 2013-
 I can’t count on you to do anything you say you will, every plan we make changes 
It’s not normal to act this way, going to the bar by yourself for all hours, a couple drinks is fine. And with no desire to tell me when you are off or inviting me to be with you. It’s almost rebellious 
 Before we moved in he would tell me when he was off work and would invite me out, now he doesn’t things shouldn’t change this much
There is no romance, no wooing no working for our relationship no intimacy…
We don’t do anything I feel like all we do is argue about him drinking or going out. If he didn’t drink all the time and spend most nights out partying we would have more time for us, and we wouldn’t be fighting…
He disregards my desires of normalcy because he thinks they are from movies or Cosmo… But they are really just the things I need
There is something not right with you wanting to be out drinking by yourself over being home with me or even having me come out with you. 
This last week he spent the 3 nights he had off drinking… Not spending any time with me until the night I made him do something with me
I should not make him he should offer
He doesn’t do anything to show or prove to me that he wants me or this relationship
I can’t handle him drinking all the time
I respect him and his choice to drink but I can’t watch this happen… When he is like this he isn’t the kind if man I think I can spend my life with. And what hurt me most.. He thinks everything is ok with his actions… 
I shouldn’t be a back burner for drinking and your bar life 
I don’t like  that I went into this going off his wors of when I have my own place I’ll go to the bar less… Since we have moved in there isn’t a single night that he hasn’t gone to the bar
A night cap that lasted 4 hours… “Seeing me soon” those are all things that he says and I believe but he is never true to his words even his coming home soon at 11:30 and doesn’t come till after 1am and the worst part is I can’t even call or text to ask where he is because I am worried, he takes it as nagging.
When he told me he was going for a night cap, and he’d see me soon, I wanted to believe with all my heart that meant he was only going for a couple hours, but I knew in my head that meant he would be closing the bar down…
I don’t want a drunk for a boyfriend it’s hard because I am in love with an alcoholic and there is nothing he is willing to do to change it because he thinks it’s is normal to drink this much
I want someone who chooses me…
Not a night life or the fast scene
I don’t think he is able to go a single day with out a drink
We have fought none stop for 2 weeks I think it’s cuz he is drinking more, being unreliable and not respectful.
I put up with the actions for the first week—kid in candy store
But now— if this is how I can expect things, I can’t do this… I want more than crying myself to sleep because my boyfriend would rather be drinking at a bar…
I hate feeling jealous of others relationships when I never felt this way before…

Challenges help define you, but don’t break you

What we have face us and how we overcome them, are true testaments to the type of person we are.

I was recently “seeing” a guy, I use the term seeing very loosely because we fell quickly before he left for a long distance gallivant.  I have a hard time writing this blog because I feel like the last ohhh 9 months were a bit of joke… it was like having a pen pal  you had known only for 3 months… instead of signing “write soon” we wrote “I love you”….which don’t get me wrong I easily could say I didn’t love him…but that wouldn’t be true…..  I have written many blogs about love…  I know I wear my heart on my sleeve that is because I care for a lot of people far before they care for me…. Call me emotional, call me hopeless but you can’t call me uncaring. I would rather wear my heart on my sleeve then not wear a heart at all. But now that, that is said…we can move on…. for the purpose of this blog I will call it a relationship..but don’t think it was…. it was nothing of the sorts…  It was a good time, good stories, great friend…. he was there when I needed him most, some of the time….  he was the friend  I needed at the time I needed….
There were things I regretted during that time, but that only taught me how to change my future since I can’t change my past.  I guess you could say it was a mutual ending only because I wasn’t willing to “wait”  around for him to figure out how awesome I am… I know I am awesome, but I don’t need to wait around for someone to think and figure it out….. the person that is going to be worth my time will realize that from the get go and get to constantly experience it…. I sit and think about what a future could have been…  it all would have been a lie…a complete  180 from the life I lead now…  and I know I said I was willing…  and I would be, but I don’t think I could have been for him…  because he wasn’t giving as much as I was giving… and healthy relationships require give and take… So I guess I get to thank him for trying to over think  things that ended the relationship…  I am happier, which is hard because I was happy all along…  I have since met people that show me I can have the type of religious/cultural balance that I want, because I want, not because I have to…. The give and take is there…or has the potential to be there…either way it will be fair.

Life is a ongoing lesson, Moral of this lesson:

Go with your gut-–Your instincts, your family and friends usually are correct, no  matter how much you want to deny it…..
Listen to your heart ..&  mind.…Don’t put all of your heart into something your head isn’t into
Love works the way it is suppose to…  sometimes you don’t realize it right away
Tears are a waste… don’t cry because in  the end… it just wasn’t meant to be and you can’t change that.

 This is what I want, what everyone should be allowed  to have 100%  of the time:

Happy Living & Hopefully Loving

When the road to home is covered with bushes..

You know when life gives you hurdles you are to get over them, well what if you don’t know how?

Wanting a guy to notice you with out being “that” girl
Things to consider is what you think when you see someone, what gets your attention negative and positive. You need to take how you want to be seen, and act it out by seeing other people!

In Life
Your goal is to leave a positive impression on this person. The best way is to smile, let him see who you are. Stand with good posture and have good eye contact. These things are going to show that you are confident and that is exactly what every woman wants a man to take from it. Don’t ever be afraid to go after what you want, worse case scenario is that you realize it may not be something you want after all.

At Work
Dress to impress, put together vs. bed hair, positive verse negative. Do your job you know your going to get more positive attention if your doing what you are suppose to be doing and doing it well. Ask for input without seeming stupid, it is a fine line for sure, but think about it if you ask for to check something he can check to see how awesome you are or he can teach you a new thing..it is a win win. Be a happy person, combat the normal work breeding grounds for angry feeling by being a source of cheer. (With being the happy person though comes some things to watch out for people will like you and gossip with you so try and stay Switzerland). Interact when appropriate this will show your knowledge and have him see you as person

At the bar or gym
SMILE 😀 It tells a guy what kind of a person you are with out having to say a thing, this is a way to say your open with out the fear of getting rejected. It is not a need for a ear to ear smile, just a small coy smile that says I am here. After a smile it is about eye contact with out being creepy!
Be sure that his attention is what you want. Don’t try to get a guy to look your way, you want attention and you want to feel good about yourself.But don’t be loud he is going to think your weird and not approachable! Being yourself is good but don’t do something crazy to get his attention! You don’t want to lead someone on like a puppy taken out for a walk. You could end up in a very awkward or uncomfortable situation.

Remember it is about you liking someone enough to want their attention, this doesn’t mean you get to lose yourself in the process.Be yourself. Everyone probably says this, but it’s true. No guy wants a girl that pretends like she is something she is not. Show him that you are a good friend. Listen to the music he listens to. Just don’t come on too clingy. No boy wants a girl who just follows him around all day. In addition, if you want to find out more about him, don’t stalk the poor guy. Just find out about him from his friends you trust. For example, ask them about his likes and dislikes, what music he is into, what concerts he goes to, if he likes anyone, etc. Be confident in yourself, and it will show that you are an amazing person. Don’t be someone you’re not. You want him to like you for you.

Once You Get the attention…..now what

Hang out with him often but not too often ; you don’t always want to be hanging around because you might look like an annoying bug that’s always around and never goes away. Try to start a conversation about an interesting topic, for example, if you’re at a football game, ask confidently but cutely, “Did I miss any action?”. This will tell him that you want to know about the game, but also you want to get his opinion, so he will automatically talk to you about the game (or other topics) the whole game. Start slowly like a movie or party try not to make it so noticeable cause he might not be interested.
FLIRTTTTT 🙂 best part of courting~! Do it as much as you want, but remember that too much flirting especially with other guys will likely get him to take notice, but perhaps not in a good way. Don’t do too much, but not too little either. Sometimes you might look too girlie, popular, wanna-be etc. If he reacts and you don’t think its real, he’s just doing it because you’re there and you’re a girl and he thinks he can do better, but let him know he can’t. If he is faking it, call his bluff and say something that makes him know you don’t think he is ‘all that’. For example, if he comes close, pull a face and offer him gum. This will unbalance his ego.
Start up conversations that have to do with if it’s where you are or if he’s talking to you. Make sure you don’t go on about nothing. Definitely make sense when you talk to him. Don’t twirl your hair, flick your eyelashes or giggle nonstop. He can get kind of scared and make fun of you, no matter how old you are, guys will always be the same. Be yourself. Just be who you are, that’s the #1 quality guys look for in a girl.