The moment you think you have met the one, the one who has everything you want in a person. We all have been there in one way or another… We start imagining the future, and they started the ideas in your head. You have let the steps roll through, they meet your family because they asked (this seems like a good thing)… This can always be scary but your new significant other sails through with flying colors; a family like mine…they don’t leave very many survivors… You let your guard down a little bit because he made it through the firing squad that is your family.
He is proving to be everything you want; he even starts all the future things you are looking for… He tells you he loves you, he told his mom about you, and he wants to ask your dad if he can marry you… Oh no… I didn’t fast forward this time line this is a 3 month span…. You don’t think anything more than wow, I found a guy who knows what he wants and how to get it.
But then….. Things don’t start to add up… You find that you’re questioning a lot more… Like multiple hospital visits where they go Mia for a whole day and night. I don’t know about you… But if I’m in the hospital I would want my significant other with me…. Hello first red flag…there were plenty more***
Habits from the beginning start changing, when he use to answer your phone calls no matter what, now you don’t hear from him for hours, or he texts back instead of calling. Those dates every other night become that of only a weekly thing, if at all. Those nightly phone calls become you calling to a “dead” phone. He stopped answering the phone with a friendly Hi babe, to a Hey?… When you start to question things, it becomes a long argument or a why are you questioning my actions, don’t you trust me? Things start going off in your head… the way that every girl starts to over think things…
This was me….. I started having my family in one ear question him and feeling like I need to defend him because he is a part of me at this point and if he looks bad, I look bad. But all the negativity was starting to get to me and luckily for me in some regard, he and I had amazing communication, we could talk about anything!! I exploded and started to talk to him about all my doubts and all the grief I was getting from my family…. I told him my fears of being made into a fool for standing up for him and I… he promised, he swore to God (which a little background, I never questioned when he said swore to god because from day one, he explained he was a God fearing Muslim, he was a praying Muslim and followed the Qur’an, Mosque every Friday and a lot more…this made me respect him and that was that). Anyways he swore to God he would not make me into a fool and he would prove all my family doubts wrong. I believed him. I believed he loved me, I believed he had the best intentions when he came to my house a month after meeting me to ask my dad if he could marry me, I believed in the words he was painting for a future he wanted with me. His sweet words are truly what clouded my intuition, for every concern I had, he had a solution or a question… and I am strong individual and I fell for every honey soaked word he gave me. I hate to say that he played on that, but I think he at least counted on it, and used it.
I felt the relationship change, I knew something was different. I even asked, he said it was stress from work and it will be over soon. I believed him, if I didn’t what was the point of being with him. A lot of things were happening in this time that just wasn’t feeling right, but again with our open communication I would ask, he would have an excuse or reason. One morning he called me, early… to tell me that I would be getting a facebook message maybe from a girl(a girl we will name Girl A, I knew all about the this girl from what he had told me in prior conversations….she worked in the industry, they were business partners..She was a lesbian and was getting married in a few weeks…he showed me a photo and my gut told me I didn’t like her… I told him, he laughed and said I have nothing to worry about). He told me that he and she got into a fight over business and she was trying to ruin his relationship with me as pay back. We talked a lot about it… she did message me…I looked at her facebook… I saw photos of them that were not acceptable for a man in a committed relationship…. He tried to play it off as they were past photos…jokes on him…a watch I gave him a week ago was in the photo… he of course had an excuse. He again swore to god he wasn’t cheating, he swore over his mothers head she was nothing and to not let his past ruin our future… his past mind you was a week prior and whilst we are still dating…dating is such a small word…we were house shopping. He made me promise not to contact her and let this go… I did…he swore to god…I believed him.
I went on vacation things were fine the first couple of days I was gone…we would talk at night for a few minutes but then…two days went by I heard not even a peep from him…. I come to find out he has blocked from calling his phone… I wasn’t surprised…. So since I hadn’t heard from him I went into my others folder on facebook messages to find…. ANOTHER girl’s message!!!! We will call her Girl B….. Her message states that she and my boyfriend have been talking since December…before your head goes spinning off let me give you a time line…Girl B—December….Me—March…Girl A-May….. Yuppppp and from what I have gathered… there was one more… for those of you following at home… I was one of 4….
So back to me trying to get a hold of my boyfriend…I message Girl A…I told her everything including a screen shot of the message from Girl B…
Let me just tell you….Girl A…not a nice girl for being the “other woman” in my relationship but I couldn’t blame her… the man was already brain washing her too…. Girl B..Super sweet poor thing was being lead astray by him for longer than me… I was able to talk to Girl B for quite awhile…this is where I learned that everything my boyfriend said was put on repeat for her and vice a versa. When I say everything… I MEAN EVERYTHING! from the plans of the future to dreams to plans to loving…. Girl A… we told her both of us messaged her… I told her he asked for my hand we were house shopping etc… her… she is only worried about a time line of events not the fact to get things straight…she says he is living there now…they are to be married and they are house shopping..He bought her a car… I was impressed…he took a month to make it work for me to fall… he did it to her in 3 weeks… this poor woman has a kid too… she tells me she is going to talk to him…. I go… go ahead girl … I don’t want him back you can have him and his lies. She ends up blocking me…after telling me that my boyfriend told her that I am a stalker and crazy… So of course I screen shot texts from him to me…crazy stalker my butt…good riddance girl I hope you learn. And I hope you learn in the timely manner I learned before things could get to bad.
Another girl came out of the wood work with this message, the plot totally thickened in the fact that this poor girl was added to his rampage in about February. He swindled money out of her by telling her he had cancer and needed medicine and couldn’t pay for it. This just further proves the motivation on this guy. It is really sad and sickening… this Girl C, says there was another girl in California…
This man was a pathological liar, a con artist, and a fraud…. Nothing he said was true from the first day because it was something that he was also saying to someone else. I still don’t understand what his goal was… I wish there was a way to expose him for what he is for the pure fact that I don’t want others to go through what I did… I was more mad at the fact that he let my family into this act he was trying to call him loving me.
It’s funny he tried to call me the night I learned everything… I declined i knew the girl he was with was with him…I didn’t care to even talk. I talked to him finally… but it was different it was on my terms… he said he was sorry… I told him his sorry meant nothing to me… he said he didn’t want to hurt me… I told him he was the biggest coward I have ever met…. he even at this point was keeping with his lies, which for him probably felt like truths.. I told him I will find someone that deserves me and you, I hope that you get everything you deserve.. I will never forgive you for being this dishonest…. he blamed the meeting and moving in and the relationship on the fact that we started fighting… BULL…. we started fighting because he was hiding things from me and I could tell.
My friends and family were worried about me…I shed more tears in the relationship than any moment after realizing he was a fraud…I honestly can say I am not heartbroken, do I feel fooled…you bet… do I even question my judgement a little… yea.. I do… but it’s hard to be heartbroken over something that was a sham… it’s like being sad over the wind blowing…you can’t actually see it…you just feel it and then one day its gone just some fallen leaves in its tail.
I feel relief I was getting mad at myself for questioning his actions but it truly proves to me to NEVER ever question your intuition… at the same time… sometimes you don’t it was your intuition until you learned the flaw. I saw something on facebook posted by The Single Woman that caught my eye and its so true… It helps me fight off all those “I told you so’s” because NO ONE could have seen this coming…. NO ONE…
It reminds me that you should never question yourself but you should not fault yourself for letting yourself be open to loving. Thank you again The Single Woman for this:
You didn‘t know.
You trusted, and you loved, and you assumed the best of someone…and that is never wrong.
You took a shot on love or on friendship…and that is always brave.
You believed that the other person would treat you with the same dignity and respect with which you treated them…and that is noble.
You didn’t know. You didn’t know they weren’t capable of loving you back. You didn’t know they weren’t trustworthy. You didn’t know they didn’t have the capacity or the character to handle your heart with the same care with which you handled theirs.
You didn’t know. You didn’t have all the information that you have now. If you did, you might have chosen differently…and the truth is, sometimes in life and in love it takes standing too close to the fire to learn how not to get burned.
So forgive yourself for not making different choices. Because good choices make you happy but bad choices make you better and stronger. Keep being the brave, trusting person that you are…because someday the right person will love you for it instead of exploit you for it.
You didn’t know. Forgive yourself for not knowing.
Forgive them for what they did.
And let it go…armed with the beautiful knowledge that comes from going out on a limb, regardless of whether you fall or fly.
Next time will be better.
I didn’t write this out of angst or pay back… I wrote this to help someone because if what I went through helps someone… it was all worth it…I know I am so vulnerable in this being out there, but it is worth it.